A total NSV for me!!

Yesterday I've had an unexpected NSV (non-scale victory) - I was shopping for a skirt, and just couldn't get why they all looked so *blah*... on a third try (and pretty frustrated by this point) I thought that maybe I should get a smaller size... although I did not think I could fit into size 4... but I did!!!! wow! I never owned anything EVER in size four! (I do realize that stores sometimes differ in size... but I don't care! I'm owning this NSV!).

:)

Temptation overload!!!!

Oh my, what a weekend! I was completely blowing it each and every day starting Friday! I'm trying to learn and move on. I've analyzed what had set this fiasco off - and my conclution - a combination of factors: TOM is this week (I know it sounds like an excuse, but I'm always uncontrollable at that time), so I had crazy cravings for chocolate... and it was available.

I admit that I've made some errors - thursday I bought a bag of Weight Watchers' 1point chocolates to bring to work, so that I could have something chocolatey when the gift baskets start coming to the office. Well, guess what happened... I ate four of those chocolates on Friday, one by one, and then had 15 Hershey kisses (which I was avoiding since Thursday!).

So I thought - okay, I'll just have salad for dinner and everything is going to be just fine... (I did workout that morning for an hour and a half). We went out for our dinner, and I ordered what I thought was an innocent seafood salad... turned out to be deep fried calamari rings on a bed of greens... ouch!

But one day is not so bad, you say. That's what I thought too! Then came Saturday... I had to get my Christmas shopping done... (keep in mind, that in the morning I had two small plain chocolates and a small 2pt ice-cream bar). The reason behind that was that I already had something sweet, I won't be tempted in the mall... Ha! After an hour or so I decided to get a kids scoop of orange sherbert (which is around 2pt) as a treat for doing so good. I bought it, and then I meet up with my DH and he bought me a regular sized "booster juice"! (5pt). I had to drink it, because I knew he'll won't be happy if I don't (he never gets me anything exactly for that reason... so I wanted to be nice... nevertheless, we did have a bit of an agrument about this afterwards, and I feel really bad, because it's not his fault at all - I was just really angry at myself). I did work out for an hour on Saturday.

Well, Sunday wasn't much better. I did through away a half-eaten box of chocolates that I got for free with my purchase of colone for may dad :(. I also had a marshmallow santa... I know, I know... I'm such an idiot... I couldn't believe what I was doing as I was doing it! Then at night I went for a two hour workout.

I kind of see a pattern here... hmmm.... All I did was binge and compensate! I would be really worried if this was going on all the time, but I swear it was just this weekend... I don't know what came over me! I know it's not healthy, I know all the reasons I shouldn't have eaten what I've eaten, and in the quantities I've eaten it... What is wrong with me??!!!!!!

Right now I'm basically in 'damage control' mode. I'm so scared that I've erased all the hard work that I've done so far. And belive me - I worked very hard! **sigh**

The scary part is that I still have Christmas four-day weekend to deal with. That's two full dinners, not counting breakfasts and luches.... aaaahhhhh!!!!!!

Random thoughts

In my office, yesterday, we were talking about the holidays, and one of my co-workers said that she associated Christmas with "Charlie Brown" and whatnot. And I said - "Well, I have a total different set of associations!". This is a good example of the 'cultural differences' (althought that I hate the term) that are still part of me, even though I've lived in Canada a major part of my life. This makes me sad, in many different ways. Sometimes I want to be like everyone else, know all the movies that everyone has seen as a kid, know all of the books, actors - there are a thousand little nuances that indicate that I didn't grow up here. On the other hand, I'm sad that my/our children (hopefully I will have some), will not have the same experiences that I have - will not read the books that I've read, will not see my favourite cartoons, will not be immersed in the language. They will have a taste of it (already I'm starting to collect Russian kids books, and cartoons), and we speak Russian at home, but it's not the same. I'm afraid they'll resent me for forcing this on them, and I'm afraid they we will never understand each other (isn't it funny that I'm trying to solve future conflicts with my future children! LOL). This is so hard to explain to people that have lived in one country all their lives.

I'm also sad because my past is slowly fadding too - I'm having difficulty speaking and writting in Russian... I almost can't remember my home town (my sister can't remember it period). I don't want to let go of these things. They are a part of who I am. I so desperately try to hold on to things that connect back to Russia/Ukraine. This brings me back to the holidays.

The picture on the left is of a movie we ALWAYS watch(ed) at New Years eve (we didn't really celebrate Christamas, New Year was our major holiday). It's called "Ironiya sudby, ili S lyogkim parom! "Ирония Судьбы, Или С Лёгким Паром!" loosly translating to "Irony of Fate". Such a great movie! The plot of the movie is that this guy gets drunk before New Year's eve with his friends, they go the the airport to send of one the friends off, but because they are all drunk, they send this guy. He gets out of the airplane in a different city and tells the cab his address (the funny part is that there is a street with the same name as his, and the building looks like his - which was not an uncommon occurance in the Communist era). So he opens an appartment with his key and goes to sleep, the actual owner (a lady) comes home, and then a whole bunch of things happen and then they both realise that they are not in love with their own 'significant others', but that they are in loved with each other! And all of this happens on New Years eve. I won't tell you the end, in case you see it, but this movie is what I associate with the "holidays".

the end

Week 4 - five pounds gone!

I know, I haven't posted in a while... as I said before, I'm always hesitant to take a loss 'to heart', before I know that I'm holding on to it. :)

Well, yesterday I had my weigh-in with my trainer, and I'm officially 143lb (142 at home with no clothes). My body fat % went down two percent (to 20%) in four weeks, and a total of 6% since Oct 13. I'm pretty excited about that, because most of what I lost in those five pounds is fat! oh, and I lost around 9 inches in total in those four weeks as well!

I can really see the difference now - my stomach is much flatter, and my waist smaller. And this is my 'trouble spot'. I don't really have a problem with my thighs (they usually stay the same), but gain my weight in the mid-section (which is not so attractive).

I'm so excited, because now I will feel so much better when people take pictures of me at Christamas - this makes such a difference! And this was my goal too!

I don't have much more to loose (best case scenario - i'll go down to 138), and I'll be happy. The trick is to maintain it!

Lately I've been doing at least an hour of cardio, six times a week, and weight training four times. I asked my trainer if that's how much I have to workout once I reach my goal, and she said yes. I know that exercise just has to become a part of my day, simply something I do, like eat or drink water or watch TV. And for the most part, it has. Most days I don't even give myself an option of not going, I simply pack my gym bag at night, and go in the morning.

I have to say that the more consistently I do it, the easier it becomes (I'm mostly talking about the getting up fifteen minutes to six). Once I get out of bed, I go through the motions like a well-oiled machine! :)

As for the eating part - I don't really follow the plan that the gym gave me, I rather take some ideas for meals, and count the points. This way I feel more in control. And I'm happy to say that I haven't gotten out of control lately. I have my treat at night, maybe 100cal popcorn, or choc. pudding, and then I'm okay. If I need to eat more, I'll eat another snack.

I'm still scared of the Christamas four day stay at my parents, and mostly, at my parents-in-law. My plan is to workout as much as I can in the morning everyday, and say 'no, thanks' a lot. There is no way that I'll let 'the holidays' ruin my hard work (and belive me, I worked hard!).

Week 3 - I lived!

Well, I had the wisdom teeth out (three of them!) on Thursday, so as far as eating goes, that day went well. And then I kind of blew it on Friday and Saturday (because of the frozen yogourt that I had my DH by on Thursday). Finally, Saturday night I got a hold of the situation, and took that half eaten tub of really yummy coffee-flavoured frozen yogourt, and threw it down the garbage shoot, and went for an hour run on the treadmill (I know, it kind of sounds like a case of binging, but very controlled one at that!). So I've been on track since, and haven't missed one day of workouts!

Now, I really think it's the every-day-one-hour-or-more-workouts that had helped me so far to loose the four pounds (yay! btw), and not the stupid eating plan that they gave me (which I continuously modify, even though my trainer told me that I have to follow it to a "t", if I want to see results). So there. Lesson learned. Work out every day, don't eat chocolate every day, and eat a variety of foods - you'll loose weight.

I know, it's been said before, but when you actually do it yourself, and see that it works, then you get it. The reason I'm kind of surprised that I lost with this "eating plan", is because I'm eating carbs with every meal, even in the evening! (which I like). I thought I couldn't loose when I did that.

On the other hand, I'm kind of scared of admitting any kind of loss, until I hang on to it for a while (hence not posting every day). I'm kind of afraid of "jinxing" it. How silly is that? It just doesn't seem real that the scale had started moving...

The challenge for this week - Christmas party on Thursday at my boss' house! I translate - no control over food (possibly quantity), and possible pressure to eat (I don't want to seem rude). *sigh* Did I tell you that I picked the hardest time of year for this 'six-week commitment'.