Yesterday I've had an unexpected NSV (non-scale victory) - I was shopping for a skirt, and just couldn't get why they all looked so *blah*... on a third try (and pretty frustrated by this point) I thought that maybe I should get a smaller size... although I did not think I could fit into size 4... but I did!!!! wow! I never owned anything EVER in size four! (I do realize that stores sometimes differ in size... but I don't care! I'm owning this NSV!).
:)
Thursday, December 21
Monday, December 18
Temptation overload!!!!
Oh my, what a weekend! I was completely blowing it each and every day starting Friday! I'm trying to learn and move on. I've analyzed what had set this fiasco off - and my conclution - a combination of factors: TOM is this week (I know it sounds like an excuse, but I'm always uncontrollable at that time), so I had crazy cravings for chocolate... and it was available.
I admit that I've made some errors - thursday I bought a bag of Weight Watchers' 1point chocolates to bring to work, so that I could have something chocolatey when the gift baskets start coming to the office. Well, guess what happened... I ate four of those chocolates on Friday, one by one, and then had 15 Hershey kisses (which I was avoiding since Thursday!).
So I thought - okay, I'll just have salad for dinner and everything is going to be just fine... (I did workout that morning for an hour and a half). We went out for our dinner, and I ordered what I thought was an innocent seafood salad... turned out to be deep fried calamari rings on a bed of greens... ouch!
But one day is not so bad, you say. That's what I thought too! Then came Saturday... I had to get my Christmas shopping done... (keep in mind, that in the morning I had two small plain chocolates and a small 2pt ice-cream bar). The reason behind that was that I already had something sweet, I won't be tempted in the mall... Ha! After an hour or so I decided to get a kids scoop of orange sherbert (which is around 2pt) as a treat for doing so good. I bought it, and then I meet up with my DH and he bought me a regular sized "booster juice"! (5pt). I had to drink it, because I knew he'll won't be happy if I don't (he never gets me anything exactly for that reason... so I wanted to be nice... nevertheless, we did have a bit of an agrument about this afterwards, and I feel really bad, because it's not his fault at all - I was just really angry at myself). I did work out for an hour on Saturday.
Well, Sunday wasn't much better. I did through away a half-eaten box of chocolates that I got for free with my purchase of colone for may dad :(. I also had a marshmallow santa... I know, I know... I'm such an idiot... I couldn't believe what I was doing as I was doing it! Then at night I went for a two hour workout.
I kind of see a pattern here... hmmm.... All I did was binge and compensate! I would be really worried if this was going on all the time, but I swear it was just this weekend... I don't know what came over me! I know it's not healthy, I know all the reasons I shouldn't have eaten what I've eaten, and in the quantities I've eaten it... What is wrong with me??!!!!!!
Right now I'm basically in 'damage control' mode. I'm so scared that I've erased all the hard work that I've done so far. And belive me - I worked very hard! **sigh**
The scary part is that I still have Christmas four-day weekend to deal with. That's two full dinners, not counting breakfasts and luches.... aaaahhhhh!!!!!!
Friday, December 15
Random thoughts
In my office, yesterday, we were talking about the holidays, and one of my co-workers said that she associated Christmas with "Charlie Brown" and whatnot. And I said - "Well, I have a total different set of associations!". This is a good example of the 'cultural differences' (althought that I hate the term) that are still part of me, even though I've lived in Canada a major part of my life. This makes me sad, in many different ways. Sometimes I want to be like everyone else, know all the movies that everyone has seen as a kid, know all of the books, actors - there are a thousand little nuances that indicate that I didn't grow up here. On the other hand, I'm sad that my/our children (hopefully I will have some), will not have the same experiences that I have - will not read the books that I've read, will not see my favourite cartoons, will not be immersed in the language. They will have a taste of it (already I'm starting to collect Russian kids books, and cartoons), and we speak Russian at home, but it's not the same. I'm afraid they'll resent me for forcing this on them, and I'm afraid they we will never understand each other (isn't it funny that I'm trying to solve future conflicts with my future children! LOL). This is so hard to explain to people that have lived in one country all their lives.I'm also sad because my past is slowly fadding too - I'm having difficulty speaking and writting in Russian... I almost can't remember my home town (my sister can't remember it period). I don't want to let go of these things. They are a part of who I am. I so desperately try to hold on to things that connect back to Russia/Ukraine. This brings me back to the holidays.
The picture on the left is of a movie we ALWAYS watch(ed) at New Years eve (we didn't really celebrate Christamas, New Year was our major holiday). It's called "Ironiya sudby, ili S lyogkim parom! "Ирония Судьбы, Или С Лёгким Паром!" loosly translating to "Irony of Fate". Such a great movie! The plot of the movie is that this guy gets drunk before New Year's eve with his friends, they go the the airport to send of one the friends off, but because they are all drunk, they send this guy. He gets out of the airplane in a different city and tells the cab his address (the funny part is that there is a street with the same name as his, and the building looks like his - which was not an uncommon occurance in the Communist era). So he opens an appartment with his key and goes to sleep, the actual owner (a lady) comes home, and then a whole bunch of things happen and then they both realise that they are not in love with their own 'significant others', but that they are in loved with each other! And all of this happens on New Years eve. I won't tell you the end, in case you see it, but this movie is what I associate with the "holidays".
the end
Thursday, December 14
Week 4 - five pounds gone!
I know, I haven't posted in a while... as I said before, I'm always hesitant to take a loss 'to heart', before I know that I'm holding on to it. :)
Well, yesterday I had my weigh-in with my trainer, and I'm officially 143lb (142 at home with no clothes). My body fat % went down two percent (to 20%) in four weeks, and a total of 6% since Oct 13. I'm pretty excited about that, because most of what I lost in those five pounds is fat! oh, and I lost around 9 inches in total in those four weeks as well!
I can really see the difference now - my stomach is much flatter, and my waist smaller. And this is my 'trouble spot'. I don't really have a problem with my thighs (they usually stay the same), but gain my weight in the mid-section (which is not so attractive).
I'm so excited, because now I will feel so much better when people take pictures of me at Christamas - this makes such a difference! And this was my goal too!
I don't have much more to loose (best case scenario - i'll go down to 138), and I'll be happy. The trick is to maintain it!
Lately I've been doing at least an hour of cardio, six times a week, and weight training four times. I asked my trainer if that's how much I have to workout once I reach my goal, and she said yes. I know that exercise just has to become a part of my day, simply something I do, like eat or drink water or watch TV. And for the most part, it has. Most days I don't even give myself an option of not going, I simply pack my gym bag at night, and go in the morning.
I have to say that the more consistently I do it, the easier it becomes (I'm mostly talking about the getting up fifteen minutes to six). Once I get out of bed, I go through the motions like a well-oiled machine! :)
As for the eating part - I don't really follow the plan that the gym gave me, I rather take some ideas for meals, and count the points. This way I feel more in control. And I'm happy to say that I haven't gotten out of control lately. I have my treat at night, maybe 100cal popcorn, or choc. pudding, and then I'm okay. If I need to eat more, I'll eat another snack.
I'm still scared of the Christamas four day stay at my parents, and mostly, at my parents-in-law. My plan is to workout as much as I can in the morning everyday, and say 'no, thanks' a lot. There is no way that I'll let 'the holidays' ruin my hard work (and belive me, I worked hard!).
Well, yesterday I had my weigh-in with my trainer, and I'm officially 143lb (142 at home with no clothes). My body fat % went down two percent (to 20%) in four weeks, and a total of 6% since Oct 13. I'm pretty excited about that, because most of what I lost in those five pounds is fat! oh, and I lost around 9 inches in total in those four weeks as well!
I can really see the difference now - my stomach is much flatter, and my waist smaller. And this is my 'trouble spot'. I don't really have a problem with my thighs (they usually stay the same), but gain my weight in the mid-section (which is not so attractive).
I'm so excited, because now I will feel so much better when people take pictures of me at Christamas - this makes such a difference! And this was my goal too!
I don't have much more to loose (best case scenario - i'll go down to 138), and I'll be happy. The trick is to maintain it!
Lately I've been doing at least an hour of cardio, six times a week, and weight training four times. I asked my trainer if that's how much I have to workout once I reach my goal, and she said yes. I know that exercise just has to become a part of my day, simply something I do, like eat or drink water or watch TV. And for the most part, it has. Most days I don't even give myself an option of not going, I simply pack my gym bag at night, and go in the morning.
I have to say that the more consistently I do it, the easier it becomes (I'm mostly talking about the getting up fifteen minutes to six). Once I get out of bed, I go through the motions like a well-oiled machine! :)
As for the eating part - I don't really follow the plan that the gym gave me, I rather take some ideas for meals, and count the points. This way I feel more in control. And I'm happy to say that I haven't gotten out of control lately. I have my treat at night, maybe 100cal popcorn, or choc. pudding, and then I'm okay. If I need to eat more, I'll eat another snack.
I'm still scared of the Christamas four day stay at my parents, and mostly, at my parents-in-law. My plan is to workout as much as I can in the morning everyday, and say 'no, thanks' a lot. There is no way that I'll let 'the holidays' ruin my hard work (and belive me, I worked hard!).
Tuesday, December 5
Week 3 - I lived!
Well, I had the wisdom teeth out (three of them!) on Thursday, so as far as eating goes, that day went well. And then I kind of blew it on Friday and Saturday (because of the frozen yogourt that I had my DH by on Thursday). Finally, Saturday night I got a hold of the situation, and took that half eaten tub of really yummy coffee-flavoured frozen yogourt, and threw it down the garbage shoot, and went for an hour run on the treadmill (I know, it kind of sounds like a case of binging, but very controlled one at that!). So I've been on track since, and haven't missed one day of workouts!
Now, I really think it's the every-day-one-hour-or-more-workouts that had helped me so far to loose the four pounds (yay! btw), and not the stupid eating plan that they gave me (which I continuously modify, even though my trainer told me that I have to follow it to a "t", if I want to see results). So there. Lesson learned. Work out every day, don't eat chocolate every day, and eat a variety of foods - you'll loose weight.
I know, it's been said before, but when you actually do it yourself, and see that it works, then you get it. The reason I'm kind of surprised that I lost with this "eating plan", is because I'm eating carbs with every meal, even in the evening! (which I like). I thought I couldn't loose when I did that.
On the other hand, I'm kind of scared of admitting any kind of loss, until I hang on to it for a while (hence not posting every day). I'm kind of afraid of "jinxing" it. How silly is that? It just doesn't seem real that the scale had started moving...
The challenge for this week - Christmas party on Thursday at my boss' house! I translate - no control over food (possibly quantity), and possible pressure to eat (I don't want to seem rude). *sigh* Did I tell you that I picked the hardest time of year for this 'six-week commitment'.
Now, I really think it's the every-day-one-hour-or-more-workouts that had helped me so far to loose the four pounds (yay! btw), and not the stupid eating plan that they gave me (which I continuously modify, even though my trainer told me that I have to follow it to a "t", if I want to see results). So there. Lesson learned. Work out every day, don't eat chocolate every day, and eat a variety of foods - you'll loose weight.
I know, it's been said before, but when you actually do it yourself, and see that it works, then you get it. The reason I'm kind of surprised that I lost with this "eating plan", is because I'm eating carbs with every meal, even in the evening! (which I like). I thought I couldn't loose when I did that.
On the other hand, I'm kind of scared of admitting any kind of loss, until I hang on to it for a while (hence not posting every day). I'm kind of afraid of "jinxing" it. How silly is that? It just doesn't seem real that the scale had started moving...
The challenge for this week - Christmas party on Thursday at my boss' house! I translate - no control over food (possibly quantity), and possible pressure to eat (I don't want to seem rude). *sigh* Did I tell you that I picked the hardest time of year for this 'six-week commitment'.
Tuesday, November 28
Q&A
Here are my answers to Anne's Q&A:
1. Why are you trying to lose weight?
I want to feel good about my body and like what I see when I look in the mirror (which I currently don't).
2. Do you have a reward for yourself once you reach goal?
My reward at the end of my 'six week committment' will be how I look in the pictures (I hate people taking pictures of me for the reasons stated above). Other than that, I will be shopping for new clothes (I really don't have that much to wear, since I'm always hoping to go shopping for a smaller size, and I end up never buying any clothes at all!).
3. What food do you wish had zero calories and zero fat?
Chocolate, of course!
4. As you lose weight, what do you find yourself enjoying more?
I like feeling less self conscious about how I look. (I realize that part of it is all in my head, and no amount of exercise will fix that...). :(
5. What's your new favorite low fat food/treat?
100 cal. popcorn! I love it. Also, yesterday I tried a sugar-free hazelnut flavour shot in my latte, and - OMG - was it ever good!
1. Why are you trying to lose weight?
I want to feel good about my body and like what I see when I look in the mirror (which I currently don't).
2. Do you have a reward for yourself once you reach goal?
My reward at the end of my 'six week committment' will be how I look in the pictures (I hate people taking pictures of me for the reasons stated above). Other than that, I will be shopping for new clothes (I really don't have that much to wear, since I'm always hoping to go shopping for a smaller size, and I end up never buying any clothes at all!).
3. What food do you wish had zero calories and zero fat?
Chocolate, of course!
4. As you lose weight, what do you find yourself enjoying more?
I like feeling less self conscious about how I look. (I realize that part of it is all in my head, and no amount of exercise will fix that...). :(
5. What's your new favorite low fat food/treat?
100 cal. popcorn! I love it. Also, yesterday I tried a sugar-free hazelnut flavour shot in my latte, and - OMG - was it ever good!
Monday, November 27
Week 2- still doing it!
I know I haven't posted in a while... so here's an update - week one went okay (a few slip-ups, but the scale showed a 2lb loss!). Saturday was the beginning of week two, and I kind of went off plan for the duration of the weekend... :) I did all of my workouts though!!! so it wasn't a complete failure. And since I need to blame this on something - I blame it on TOM, and I'm standing my ground! I was pretty rediculous (and kind of funny), I could think of nothing but sweets and eating in general (mind you, I didn't have any kind of chocolate or sugar in eight days, and for me, that's huge!).
But on Sunday I had an NSV of sorts - I went into the grocery store determined to get chocolate, and I even held it in my hands for a while... and then I put it back and got coffee flavoured mousse (yogourt), which is half the fat of that choco bar. So yes, I went off plan, but it could've been MUCH worse.
I don't know why (well, I do), but the weekends are always so hard, and imposible to plan! *sigh* All you can do is try your best, right?
Now, for my challenge this week (btw, it seems I picked THE worse time for my six week committment, or, maybe the best, depends on how you look at it) - I'm having three of my wisdom teeth pulled on Thursday. Seems actually not so bad, right? Teeth are hurting, you can't eat, you'll loose weight... - wrong! Let me tell you, I amaze myself sometimes, but I can eat anytime, anywhere, in any situation. It is especially bad if I'm alone at home. If I'm in one of those "I-want-to-eat-and-I-don't-care" moods, I can eat non-stop. People tell me that they can't eat when they are sick (like a cold, or something), not me!
Anyhow, here's my game plan (see, I'm learning - I have to be prepared): I will make lots of nutritious soup (lots of veggies, and chicken, and mabe some beans - so I'll have my fibre, protein and carbs), and maybe a chilli (mainly for my DH). This way I don't have to worry about finding something to eat, or cooking! I'll let you know how it went next Moday...
After I ace this challenge, the next one is super-duper hard!!! Christmas with my family and parents-in-law! That will be the ultimate test of my will power.
But on Sunday I had an NSV of sorts - I went into the grocery store determined to get chocolate, and I even held it in my hands for a while... and then I put it back and got coffee flavoured mousse (yogourt), which is half the fat of that choco bar. So yes, I went off plan, but it could've been MUCH worse.
I don't know why (well, I do), but the weekends are always so hard, and imposible to plan! *sigh* All you can do is try your best, right?
Now, for my challenge this week (btw, it seems I picked THE worse time for my six week committment, or, maybe the best, depends on how you look at it) - I'm having three of my wisdom teeth pulled on Thursday. Seems actually not so bad, right? Teeth are hurting, you can't eat, you'll loose weight... - wrong! Let me tell you, I amaze myself sometimes, but I can eat anytime, anywhere, in any situation. It is especially bad if I'm alone at home. If I'm in one of those "I-want-to-eat-and-I-don't-care" moods, I can eat non-stop. People tell me that they can't eat when they are sick (like a cold, or something), not me!
Anyhow, here's my game plan (see, I'm learning - I have to be prepared): I will make lots of nutritious soup (lots of veggies, and chicken, and mabe some beans - so I'll have my fibre, protein and carbs), and maybe a chilli (mainly for my DH). This way I don't have to worry about finding something to eat, or cooking! I'll let you know how it went next Moday...
After I ace this challenge, the next one is super-duper hard!!! Christmas with my family and parents-in-law! That will be the ultimate test of my will power.
Friday, November 17
Day 3 - you want me to workout how much?
Well, I was pretty proud of myself yesterday. After lunch I went out in a search of some kind of a treat (I usually have crazy cravings for sweets after lunch), but I didn't take my wallet and limited myself to $3.75. I walked by Star.bucks (mocha latte?), I walked by the convenience store and Sugar.Mountain (Thinsations?), and decided to get a new pack of a wonderful peppermint green tea for only $2.99! I came back to work, and had my tea, and was happy.
The after-dinner time snaking challenge went over just as well - I had my low-cal dinner (I cooked the potatoes for my DH, and didn't even have a half!), and I shared a mango. And that was it!
So today I'm officially starting the "6 week fat loss" program. My PT weighed me - I went up 3lb since a month ago! *eeeeek* But my body fat% went down and I've gained more muscle, and lost some inches (not a lot). So right now I'm officially 148lb. I'm not freaking out too much, because I know I lost fat.
What I'm nervous about is that they gave me an eating plan, where you have to follow it to a 't'. I'm going to really try, that's all I have to say.
Oh, and I have to do cardio for an hour five to six times a week, plus weights four times a week. Obviously I'll loose weight if I workout that much! The question is, after I loose some weight, will I be able to maintain that kind of routine??? hmm....
The after-dinner time snaking challenge went over just as well - I had my low-cal dinner (I cooked the potatoes for my DH, and didn't even have a half!), and I shared a mango. And that was it!
So today I'm officially starting the "6 week fat loss" program. My PT weighed me - I went up 3lb since a month ago! *eeeeek* But my body fat% went down and I've gained more muscle, and lost some inches (not a lot). So right now I'm officially 148lb. I'm not freaking out too much, because I know I lost fat.
What I'm nervous about is that they gave me an eating plan, where you have to follow it to a 't'. I'm going to really try, that's all I have to say.
Oh, and I have to do cardio for an hour five to six times a week, plus weights four times a week. Obviously I'll loose weight if I workout that much! The question is, after I loose some weight, will I be able to maintain that kind of routine??? hmm....
Thursday, November 16
Day 2 - whooo-hoooo!
I told you I was serious!!! I stayed totally OP yesterday (including no snacks after dinner, and no chocolate), and I even did my weight routine and 20min of cardio!
Do you need more proof?? I took a picture! Here it is (an edited version, of course, but not enhanced in any way! LOL).
In six weeks I'm hoping to see a difference.
Today's plan is to stay OP, resist temptation at all cost!
Do you need more proof?? I took a picture! Here it is (an edited version, of course, but not enhanced in any way! LOL).
In six weeks I'm hoping to see a difference.
Today's plan is to stay OP, resist temptation at all cost!
Wednesday, November 15
Day 1 - take two!!!
Okay, I know this is kind of pathetic, but I'm really feeling up to the challenge now. I decided to go with the rediculously expensive "6 week fat-loss program" (which I'm officially starting on Friday). I'm going to be on my best behaviour untill Friday, since I know my trainer will weigh me... and I haven't looked at the scale for maybe, oh I don't know, a month?
These six weeks are going to take me to Christmas (aka four-day-parents-and-in-laws-trying-to-feed-me-to-show-their-love weekend). This is going to be the biggest challenge of them all. I'm going to workout everyday, and say "No, thank you" A LOT.
I think that this will be especially good for me, because I will be constantly accountable to my trainer (we'll workout together three days a week!), and hopefully it'll become a habit.
Don't get me wrong, I know all about "quick fixes" and I'm not really looking for one. I need to do something very different from what I've been doing (in eating and exercise) to see results, and I can't get very motivated if I don't see any.
So, this is officially day one of my committment!
These six weeks are going to take me to Christmas (aka four-day-parents-and-in-laws-trying-to-feed-me-to-show-their-love weekend). This is going to be the biggest challenge of them all. I'm going to workout everyday, and say "No, thank you" A LOT.
I think that this will be especially good for me, because I will be constantly accountable to my trainer (we'll workout together three days a week!), and hopefully it'll become a habit.
Don't get me wrong, I know all about "quick fixes" and I'm not really looking for one. I need to do something very different from what I've been doing (in eating and exercise) to see results, and I can't get very motivated if I don't see any.
So, this is officially day one of my committment!
Monday, November 13
Day 1
I know, it's a bit sad that I have trouble keeping my commitments... but, it's like I don't take myself seriously when I say that I will stay OP, will exercise every day, etc. I mean it at the time, but life gets in the way, I guess. I can't promise that this time it will be different, but here it goes:
There are six weeks left until Christmas. I want to loose one pound a week ( I don't mind that if the loss shows up in inches rather than pounds too). I'm challenging myself to write down everything I eat, workout five days a week and cut down on sugar/chocolate. If loosing weight is my priority, than what I put in my body should be my priority as well. I will finally bring myself to weigh in on Wednesday.
I know that people (aka my family) say that I obsess over food, but that is the only way I know how to control my eating. And any negative comment can set me off into a binge. If I'm bored, I eat, if I'm nervous, I eat, if I'm celebrating, I eat. I know, I know, I should really seek some professional help, because I don't think I'll get better on my own. But I'm sure there are other people that had the same relationship with food, and got it under control, right???
I'm very proud of myself today for going to the gym in the morning. I don't know why it has been so hard lately. I don't remember ever having so much trouble getting up early...
Oh, and hired my personal trainer for ten more sessions. Insanely expensive, I don't even want to say how much, and really stupid of me of just agreeing, without looking at other options, but... I'm starting to like her, and maybe she can make a difference?? I hope. I told her I'll give her my journal every week, that way I'll feel more accountable. I got that freelance job (that I didn't want), and that's the money that I'm using for the personal trainer. I figure, it's like 'free money', well, not exactly free, I still have to work for it, but it's extra that I can use whichever way I like - so this is a present to myself. I just have to remember to work extra hard now, and not to rely on that one workout a week to do anything for me.
So I decided that today will be DAY 1. Fourty one days to go.
There are six weeks left until Christmas. I want to loose one pound a week ( I don't mind that if the loss shows up in inches rather than pounds too). I'm challenging myself to write down everything I eat, workout five days a week and cut down on sugar/chocolate. If loosing weight is my priority, than what I put in my body should be my priority as well. I will finally bring myself to weigh in on Wednesday.
I know that people (aka my family) say that I obsess over food, but that is the only way I know how to control my eating. And any negative comment can set me off into a binge. If I'm bored, I eat, if I'm nervous, I eat, if I'm celebrating, I eat. I know, I know, I should really seek some professional help, because I don't think I'll get better on my own. But I'm sure there are other people that had the same relationship with food, and got it under control, right???
I'm very proud of myself today for going to the gym in the morning. I don't know why it has been so hard lately. I don't remember ever having so much trouble getting up early...
Oh, and hired my personal trainer for ten more sessions. Insanely expensive, I don't even want to say how much, and really stupid of me of just agreeing, without looking at other options, but... I'm starting to like her, and maybe she can make a difference?? I hope. I told her I'll give her my journal every week, that way I'll feel more accountable. I got that freelance job (that I didn't want), and that's the money that I'm using for the personal trainer. I figure, it's like 'free money', well, not exactly free, I still have to work for it, but it's extra that I can use whichever way I like - so this is a present to myself. I just have to remember to work extra hard now, and not to rely on that one workout a week to do anything for me.
So I decided that today will be DAY 1. Fourty one days to go.
Thursday, November 9
Good things
I'm doing good overall. I really like my job, the pace is slow (which is nice), I get to do creative things, which I like.
I'm a little apprehensive about the meeting that I have after work, though, with this client that I found through the internet. I've met him two weeks ago to talk to him about the project, but I'm kind of doing everything for him to not want work with me! Isn't it funny? The reasons - I don't want to get into something that I might not be able to do completely (i.e. programming part, which I can't really do), and also I'm not looking forward to spending my free time working... :)
But he seems eager to start, has been okay with me so far explaining the many things that I won't do. I guess if all goes well, and he won't want to make a million changes to the design that I'm going to come up with... I'll be happy with the extra money... Christmas will be here soon, and, most importantly, I want to continue my sessions with my personal trainer. I've sent him an invoice for a 50% deposit upfront (see, I'm still trying to get rid of him!), and haven't heard back...
Apart from that, I'm pretty content.
I've been reading these blogs, though, lately, about women that lost their babies (either through misscarriage, or still birth), and it's so devestating! I know I shouldn't probably be reading so much about that, it'll make me so paranoid when/if I actually do get pregnant... but still. My heart goes out to them.
I'm a little apprehensive about the meeting that I have after work, though, with this client that I found through the internet. I've met him two weeks ago to talk to him about the project, but I'm kind of doing everything for him to not want work with me! Isn't it funny? The reasons - I don't want to get into something that I might not be able to do completely (i.e. programming part, which I can't really do), and also I'm not looking forward to spending my free time working... :)
But he seems eager to start, has been okay with me so far explaining the many things that I won't do. I guess if all goes well, and he won't want to make a million changes to the design that I'm going to come up with... I'll be happy with the extra money... Christmas will be here soon, and, most importantly, I want to continue my sessions with my personal trainer. I've sent him an invoice for a 50% deposit upfront (see, I'm still trying to get rid of him!), and haven't heard back...
Apart from that, I'm pretty content.
I've been reading these blogs, though, lately, about women that lost their babies (either through misscarriage, or still birth), and it's so devestating! I know I shouldn't probably be reading so much about that, it'll make me so paranoid when/if I actually do get pregnant... but still. My heart goes out to them.
Wednesday, November 8
Sleepy head!
The morning I had today! I was pretty funny - the alarm went of at 5:45, I wasn't really asleep by then, but decide to stay in bed a couple of minutes longer.... then I thought, 'I'm really sleepy, I can't go to the gym today!' I did have my meeting with my personal trainer today, and I was thinking how I was going to call the gym at seven, and tell her that I slept in...
Then I decided to get up at about six. I brushed my teeth, and then I really really wanted to go back to bed. I tried to lure myself away from the bed by food - so I went into the kitchen and ate my serial, and it was twenty past six at that point. And it was dark and raining outside. So, all of a sudden I decide to just go into the bedroom and snuggle in to the warm blankets with my sleeping hubby... and so I did. I stayed five minutes, and thought "I'm not going to fall asleep, I'm just going to drive myself crazy thinking how my trainer came so early just for me, and I didn't show up!".
So, I got up. By that time the 6:30 alarm went of for DH. He says 'Aren't you going to the gym?'. 'I am' I said, and I knew there was no going back...
So I went to the gym. Got there five minutes to seven. Had my workout. Everything is good.
But isn't this pathetic? (and pretty funny, I think).
I hope I don't repeat the same thing tomorow! It's so time consuming! :)
Then I decided to get up at about six. I brushed my teeth, and then I really really wanted to go back to bed. I tried to lure myself away from the bed by food - so I went into the kitchen and ate my serial, and it was twenty past six at that point. And it was dark and raining outside. So, all of a sudden I decide to just go into the bedroom and snuggle in to the warm blankets with my sleeping hubby... and so I did. I stayed five minutes, and thought "I'm not going to fall asleep, I'm just going to drive myself crazy thinking how my trainer came so early just for me, and I didn't show up!".
So, I got up. By that time the 6:30 alarm went of for DH. He says 'Aren't you going to the gym?'. 'I am' I said, and I knew there was no going back...
So I went to the gym. Got there five minutes to seven. Had my workout. Everything is good.
But isn't this pathetic? (and pretty funny, I think).
I hope I don't repeat the same thing tomorow! It's so time consuming! :)
Thursday, November 2
100 things about me
I don't know if I can come up with 100, but here it goes....
1. Favourite colour: green. :)
2. I have one younger sister.
3. I'm married.
4. I like to think that I'm funny.
5. I can be very stubborn.
6. I like to draw.
7. I want to have a baby more than anything in this world.
8. I can't stand being cold.
9. I'm cold all the time.
10. I love italian (the language), and can understand a little bit.
11. I love Italy.
12. I went to Rome two years ago.
13. I love my husband.
14. I married my first boyfriend.
15. I hope that marriage is forever.
16. I wish I could win the lottery.
17. This year my last childhood dog died.
18. This year my grandmother died.
19. I have a career, and yet I don't know what I want to be.
20. I am bilingual.
21. I love chocolate.
22. I am independant.
23. I'm a bit of a feminist.
24. I procrastinate.
25. I love dance music.
26. I've been to Cuba, and loved it.
27. My cat's name is Lucy.
28. We left our cat with my parents in Toronto.
29. Our wedding was in May.
30. My other dog died last year, May 14.
31. I wish I could be an artist full-time, and make enough money.
32. I wish I had known my other grandfather, he died when I was five.
33. I want to have a baby girl.
34. I want to be a good mother.
35. I want to be a good wife.
36. I don't feel like I am an adult, yet.
37. I want to learn to live in the present.
38. I like to cook.
39. I don't like to repeat what I said.
40. I don't like when people don't understand what I'm saying.
41. I think I'm a good person.
42. But, I'm not always kind.
43. I want to have a better relationship with my mother.
44. I moved to Ottawa for my husband.
45. I'm shy when I meet new people.
46. Sometimes I say things without thinking first.
47. I lack self-discipline.
48. I want to love my body.
49. I love Chirstamas.
50. I started hating people when I worked in retail.
51. I started loving ice-cream when I worked in Laura Secord.
52. Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm not creative enough.
53. I don't like to be alone.
54. I like to run.
55. I ran 10k race in April.
56. I would like to run a marathon, someday.
57. I don't cry easily.
58. I cried (a bit) when I was saying my vows.
59. I was afraid I wouldn't.
60. I love photography.
61. I want to buy a new camera.
62. I'm afraid of death.
63. I'm kind of glad I wasn't there when my grandmother died.
64. I feel guilty about that.
65. I laugh a lot.
66. I like to be silly.
67. I can be possessive sometimes.
68. I don't remember the names of movies, or the names of actors.
69. I don't like it when people talk about movies or actors.
70. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong.
71. I feel like I missed out on 'college life' when I was in university.
72. I wish I didn't have to work while I was studying.
73. I wish I could help my parents, financially.
74. I don't know if I have real friends.
75. I wish I had kept in contact with the people I went to high school with.
76. I hate winter.
77. I would love to have a little house beside some kind of water, with lots of land to plant things.
78. I wish my mom cooked, so that she could pass on some 'family recepies' to me.
79. Sometimes I wish I was more 'girly'.
80. Sometimes I don't care how I look.
81. I know that I would never cheat.
82. Sometimes I'm fascinated by people.
83. It passes.
84. Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm wasting my life.
85. I'm guilty of wanting to know what's going to happen next in my life.
86. I wish my hair was naturally blond.
87. I wish I had blue eyes.
88. I love sunny days.
89. I love to walk by water (river, lake, etc.).
90. I enjoy to eat things that I know are good for me.
91. I love eating things that are not-so-good for me.
92. I drink a lot of water.
93. I wish that I wasn't obsessed about food, and loosing weight.
94. I want to visit the city where I was born.
95. I want to go back to the city where I grew up.
96. Sometimes I wish we hadn't come to Canada.
97. I want to learn how to play piano.
98. Sometimes I wish I was doing something meaningful.
99. I want to feel motivated enough to strive to do something meaningful in my life.
100. I don't think a lot of people really know me.
1. Favourite colour: green. :)
2. I have one younger sister.
3. I'm married.
4. I like to think that I'm funny.
5. I can be very stubborn.
6. I like to draw.
7. I want to have a baby more than anything in this world.
8. I can't stand being cold.
9. I'm cold all the time.
10. I love italian (the language), and can understand a little bit.
11. I love Italy.
12. I went to Rome two years ago.
13. I love my husband.
14. I married my first boyfriend.
15. I hope that marriage is forever.
16. I wish I could win the lottery.
17. This year my last childhood dog died.
18. This year my grandmother died.
19. I have a career, and yet I don't know what I want to be.
20. I am bilingual.
21. I love chocolate.
22. I am independant.
23. I'm a bit of a feminist.
24. I procrastinate.
25. I love dance music.
26. I've been to Cuba, and loved it.
27. My cat's name is Lucy.
28. We left our cat with my parents in Toronto.
29. Our wedding was in May.
30. My other dog died last year, May 14.
31. I wish I could be an artist full-time, and make enough money.
32. I wish I had known my other grandfather, he died when I was five.
33. I want to have a baby girl.
34. I want to be a good mother.
35. I want to be a good wife.
36. I don't feel like I am an adult, yet.
37. I want to learn to live in the present.
38. I like to cook.
39. I don't like to repeat what I said.
40. I don't like when people don't understand what I'm saying.
41. I think I'm a good person.
42. But, I'm not always kind.
43. I want to have a better relationship with my mother.
44. I moved to Ottawa for my husband.
45. I'm shy when I meet new people.
46. Sometimes I say things without thinking first.
47. I lack self-discipline.
48. I want to love my body.
49. I love Chirstamas.
50. I started hating people when I worked in retail.
51. I started loving ice-cream when I worked in Laura Secord.
52. Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm not creative enough.
53. I don't like to be alone.
54. I like to run.
55. I ran 10k race in April.
56. I would like to run a marathon, someday.
57. I don't cry easily.
58. I cried (a bit) when I was saying my vows.
59. I was afraid I wouldn't.
60. I love photography.
61. I want to buy a new camera.
62. I'm afraid of death.
63. I'm kind of glad I wasn't there when my grandmother died.
64. I feel guilty about that.
65. I laugh a lot.
66. I like to be silly.
67. I can be possessive sometimes.
68. I don't remember the names of movies, or the names of actors.
69. I don't like it when people talk about movies or actors.
70. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong.
71. I feel like I missed out on 'college life' when I was in university.
72. I wish I didn't have to work while I was studying.
73. I wish I could help my parents, financially.
74. I don't know if I have real friends.
75. I wish I had kept in contact with the people I went to high school with.
76. I hate winter.
77. I would love to have a little house beside some kind of water, with lots of land to plant things.
78. I wish my mom cooked, so that she could pass on some 'family recepies' to me.
79. Sometimes I wish I was more 'girly'.
80. Sometimes I don't care how I look.
81. I know that I would never cheat.
82. Sometimes I'm fascinated by people.
83. It passes.
84. Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm wasting my life.
85. I'm guilty of wanting to know what's going to happen next in my life.
86. I wish my hair was naturally blond.
87. I wish I had blue eyes.
88. I love sunny days.
89. I love to walk by water (river, lake, etc.).
90. I enjoy to eat things that I know are good for me.
91. I love eating things that are not-so-good for me.
92. I drink a lot of water.
93. I wish that I wasn't obsessed about food, and loosing weight.
94. I want to visit the city where I was born.
95. I want to go back to the city where I grew up.
96. Sometimes I wish we hadn't come to Canada.
97. I want to learn how to play piano.
98. Sometimes I wish I was doing something meaningful.
99. I want to feel motivated enough to strive to do something meaningful in my life.
100. I don't think a lot of people really know me.
Wednesday, November 1
Boo! Halloween Blues.
Sometimes I don't think. It's a fact.
There was no reason for me to have any contact whatsoever with the stupid Halloween candy, and yet I ate close to two bags of it in the past 24hr.
How did I manage to do that when we don't even have a reason to buy the candy, since we don't have kids in our building? Well, after my workout (!) in the morning I passed by Shoppers, and decided to go in to get some things. And it was on sale. I bought two bags - swedish berries and the caramel ones. I justified it to myself by saying that I will put it out for my co-workers to bring the Halloween 'spirit' in the office.
Oh, the things I tell myself... Of course, the four people that work with me had a total of five candies, and I was stuck with the rest. And I took it home. And had some more.
I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, but how can I be so stupid? I eat right most of the time, have my treat at the end of the night, just got on track with working out (somewhat). And then I go and do this! And don't even care while I'm doing it! And I'm going out with my friends on Saturday and we'll have chinese food and a major drinking feast (I'm going to Toronto again, and I haven't seen them in a long time).
*sigh*
And I have a major migrane to add to all of this. Lovely.
There was no reason for me to have any contact whatsoever with the stupid Halloween candy, and yet I ate close to two bags of it in the past 24hr.
How did I manage to do that when we don't even have a reason to buy the candy, since we don't have kids in our building? Well, after my workout (!) in the morning I passed by Shoppers, and decided to go in to get some things. And it was on sale. I bought two bags - swedish berries and the caramel ones. I justified it to myself by saying that I will put it out for my co-workers to bring the Halloween 'spirit' in the office.
Oh, the things I tell myself... Of course, the four people that work with me had a total of five candies, and I was stuck with the rest. And I took it home. And had some more.
I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, but how can I be so stupid? I eat right most of the time, have my treat at the end of the night, just got on track with working out (somewhat). And then I go and do this! And don't even care while I'm doing it! And I'm going out with my friends on Saturday and we'll have chinese food and a major drinking feast (I'm going to Toronto again, and I haven't seen them in a long time).
*sigh*
And I have a major migrane to add to all of this. Lovely.
Thursday, October 26
Week 3
well, week two ended kind of bad. TOM starts tomorrow, and I've been feeling like crap (and really hungry, I can eat almost anything!).
Yesterday I wanted to get some chocolate, and went and got TWO cadbury thins, and ater them! WTF??!! I'm having cramps and I don't care. At least I went to the gym.
I'm going to Toronto again, next weekend. Really looking forward to meeting up with my friends (some gals that I used to work with). They are so great... I even had a dream about seeing them tonight!
I've come to accept that I'm not liking Ottawa all that much. There's just nothing to do, the food is rediculously expensive (downtown), and my family is not here. :(
makes me sad...
Yesterday I wanted to get some chocolate, and went and got TWO cadbury thins, and ater them! WTF??!! I'm having cramps and I don't care. At least I went to the gym.
I'm going to Toronto again, next weekend. Really looking forward to meeting up with my friends (some gals that I used to work with). They are so great... I even had a dream about seeing them tonight!
I've come to accept that I'm not liking Ottawa all that much. There's just nothing to do, the food is rediculously expensive (downtown), and my family is not here. :(
makes me sad...
Friday, October 20
Blah
That's how I feel today.
I didn't go to the gym in the morning (I chose to take the day off, instead of sunday), but looking at how the day is going, I might have to go to the gym at night...
It all started in the morning, when I decided to get a muffin with my coffee. Well, really, it started yesterday at lunch, when I went out with my co-workers for lunch and got a burger (which I NEVER eat). Then I got home, ate a bit of dinner, then decided to snack my heart out... Anyhow, so there was the muffin in the morning, and after lunch I got a choc. chip cookie (just one, mind you).
And it's raining, and it's dark. Yuck. That's all I have to say.
I didn't go to the gym in the morning (I chose to take the day off, instead of sunday), but looking at how the day is going, I might have to go to the gym at night...
It all started in the morning, when I decided to get a muffin with my coffee. Well, really, it started yesterday at lunch, when I went out with my co-workers for lunch and got a burger (which I NEVER eat). Then I got home, ate a bit of dinner, then decided to snack my heart out... Anyhow, so there was the muffin in the morning, and after lunch I got a choc. chip cookie (just one, mind you).
And it's raining, and it's dark. Yuck. That's all I have to say.
Wednesday, October 18
One down, how many to go?
Yesterday was officially the end of my week 1 (since my recommitment and being completely OP). I haven't been journaling since... oh I don't know - forever? And since I started working out with my trainer (I only have her for six sessions, so far), I've written down everything!
My goal is for the next twelve weeks (well, eleven now)
- to journal everything, every day,
- to exercise every day (following the program that I've set out- weights/3 times a week, cardio 4-5/week)
- eat healthy (less sugar)
I don't really want to focus on weight, since my trainer told me that I could look great at 135 - 140lb if I build muscle and loose fat. She actually told me that I don't really have that much to lose, based on my height/age. So my focus should really be muscle toning/building.
I think this is a better goal than weight. I get all obsessed about the numbers, and then go and subotage myself, when I get close to goal! It has happened more than once (I've been on WW for about five-six years, off and on).
And I can't think of it as a temorary workout thing. This should become a habit.
I found the time in the day that works for me (early morning), so I have no excuse to not exercise.
This past week had been great. I went to the gym every morning (I even went for a run when I was in Toronto!). I had time to cook dinner at night, and didn't have to stress about how I'm not going to the gym... And I feel great (a bit sore, but great). If I want to eat something extra, I can.
So, week two - here I come!
My goal is for the next twelve weeks (well, eleven now)
- to journal everything, every day,
- to exercise every day (following the program that I've set out- weights/3 times a week, cardio 4-5/week)
- eat healthy (less sugar)
I don't really want to focus on weight, since my trainer told me that I could look great at 135 - 140lb if I build muscle and loose fat. She actually told me that I don't really have that much to lose, based on my height/age. So my focus should really be muscle toning/building.
I think this is a better goal than weight. I get all obsessed about the numbers, and then go and subotage myself, when I get close to goal! It has happened more than once (I've been on WW for about five-six years, off and on).
And I can't think of it as a temorary workout thing. This should become a habit.
I found the time in the day that works for me (early morning), so I have no excuse to not exercise.
This past week had been great. I went to the gym every morning (I even went for a run when I was in Toronto!). I had time to cook dinner at night, and didn't have to stress about how I'm not going to the gym... And I feel great (a bit sore, but great). If I want to eat something extra, I can.
So, week two - here I come!
Thursday, October 12
Being really, really good
Yesterday I was good. And today, so far, also. I've been writing everything down (YAY!), it's been a long time since I've done that!
For lunch, I got Subway 'grilled chicken salad'. Holy expensive! It came to $7.17 with tax! That will teach me to make my own lunch (which I usually do). Tomorrow I have to buy lunch as well, but this time I think I'll go to the convenience "grocery" store, which, in my opinion, is a rip-off as well, but we are not buying groceries until Monday, since we are going to Toronto tomorrow.
I'm planning to work out on Saturday, but I'll see how it goes. Ideally, I would like to go to the gym downtown, but if the weather is nice I'll go for a short run at my parents' house.
I have to remember to stay focused, and stay on points!!!! (good luck to me!). :)
For lunch, I got Subway 'grilled chicken salad'. Holy expensive! It came to $7.17 with tax! That will teach me to make my own lunch (which I usually do). Tomorrow I have to buy lunch as well, but this time I think I'll go to the convenience "grocery" store, which, in my opinion, is a rip-off as well, but we are not buying groceries until Monday, since we are going to Toronto tomorrow.
I'm planning to work out on Saturday, but I'll see how it goes. Ideally, I would like to go to the gym downtown, but if the weather is nice I'll go for a short run at my parents' house.
I have to remember to stay focused, and stay on points!!!! (good luck to me!). :)
Wednesday, October 11
Lies, sweet little lies
I had my first meeting with the personal trainer. We weren't working out, and not even doing the measurements or weighing in - she just asked me questions about my motivation for working out, what I want to get out of it, and what I eat.
Well, the first part was easy. I want to loose at least ten pounds. That's my main goal. She asked me how much I work out - and I said four to five times in the gym, plus running on Sat. or Sun. Which is true, for the past couple of weeks, anyhow. But, of course, if I worked out that much always... well, I wouldn't be asking for her help. In truth, after our wedding in May, it all went downhill: I had the move to deal with, a new job, a new city, grandma's and my doggie's death. All in the span of three months. Needless to say, working out wasn't my priority.
Then there is the food part. When I told her was my "usual" day looks like, well, it looks perfect! I eat my veggies, get three servings of dairy, have my protein, and drink my water (oh, and an occasional sweet under 100 cal.). So, what is my problem? Well, the quantity. I don't smoke, I don't eat junk/fast food and I rarely drink pop. I only have one coffee a day. But I DO have many snacks during the day, and especially at night. And it all adds up in the end. So, she asked my to keep a food diary (*hmmmm* that sounds familiar...).
In the end, I think this will be a positive experience (having a trainer, I mean). It will give me the motivation, and the focus that I lack. I'm so close to my goal, I just have to be consistant, and do all the right things, that I know I should be doing.
Friday we are doing the weigh-in and body measurements (*iick!*), as well as body fat percentage. This one I'm really curious about. We'll see how it goes. I think this will be a good motivation for me not to pig out when we go to visit the parents and parents-in-law this weekend!
Well, the first part was easy. I want to loose at least ten pounds. That's my main goal. She asked me how much I work out - and I said four to five times in the gym, plus running on Sat. or Sun. Which is true, for the past couple of weeks, anyhow. But, of course, if I worked out that much always... well, I wouldn't be asking for her help. In truth, after our wedding in May, it all went downhill: I had the move to deal with, a new job, a new city, grandma's and my doggie's death. All in the span of three months. Needless to say, working out wasn't my priority.
Then there is the food part. When I told her was my "usual" day looks like, well, it looks perfect! I eat my veggies, get three servings of dairy, have my protein, and drink my water (oh, and an occasional sweet under 100 cal.). So, what is my problem? Well, the quantity. I don't smoke, I don't eat junk/fast food and I rarely drink pop. I only have one coffee a day. But I DO have many snacks during the day, and especially at night. And it all adds up in the end. So, she asked my to keep a food diary (*hmmmm* that sounds familiar...).
In the end, I think this will be a positive experience (having a trainer, I mean). It will give me the motivation, and the focus that I lack. I'm so close to my goal, I just have to be consistant, and do all the right things, that I know I should be doing.
Friday we are doing the weigh-in and body measurements (*iick!*), as well as body fat percentage. This one I'm really curious about. We'll see how it goes. I think this will be a good motivation for me not to pig out when we go to visit the parents and parents-in-law this weekend!
Friday, October 6
No money
I got to work today all excited to go and get my usual morning coffee from Second Cup... I reach into my bag, and realize that I forgot it at home! This never happens to me! I feel so lost! :)
Maybe I should do that more often! (that would solve my snacking/treating problem). I actually seriously considered asking my boss for $2! (and he would've probably given it to me too...). LOL
Yesterday night went okay, I guess... I did run for 40min on the treadmill, and I made chilli. I probably went over the points, but didn't care all that much, since I at least exercised. I peaked at the scale this morining. No movement - 145. But this could be water retention and TOM, since I feel my pants a bit looser.
I didn't go to the gym this morning. Bad, bad me. I woke up, and then I don't know what happened... I just closed my eyes, and then it was twenty minutes later! Oh well, I might go to the 'gym room' once I get home. And really, I have exercised every day since Sunday (and twice on Tuesday). I know, it's just an excuse... My goal is to do some sort of activity every day, and (now) try to have less snacks.
I have my assesement with a personal trainer on Wednesday, so I want to see a numer less than 145! Plus, I did want to go to WI too...
So, today is Friday, which means that the long weekend is almost here! Yay! Three days of freedom. And next weekend we are off to Toronto.
Oh, and here's my food intake for today, (and I know there won't be any extra treats, for sure!):
egg (boiled) and bread - 5pt
all-bran bar - 2pt
apple - 1pt
chilli (I'm guessing this one) - 4pt
yogourt - 2pt
________________________ 14pt
(oh man, am I going to be hungry when I get home!)
Maybe I should do that more often! (that would solve my snacking/treating problem). I actually seriously considered asking my boss for $2! (and he would've probably given it to me too...). LOL
Yesterday night went okay, I guess... I did run for 40min on the treadmill, and I made chilli. I probably went over the points, but didn't care all that much, since I at least exercised. I peaked at the scale this morining. No movement - 145. But this could be water retention and TOM, since I feel my pants a bit looser.
I didn't go to the gym this morning. Bad, bad me. I woke up, and then I don't know what happened... I just closed my eyes, and then it was twenty minutes later! Oh well, I might go to the 'gym room' once I get home. And really, I have exercised every day since Sunday (and twice on Tuesday). I know, it's just an excuse... My goal is to do some sort of activity every day, and (now) try to have less snacks.
I have my assesement with a personal trainer on Wednesday, so I want to see a numer less than 145! Plus, I did want to go to WI too...
So, today is Friday, which means that the long weekend is almost here! Yay! Three days of freedom. And next weekend we are off to Toronto.
Oh, and here's my food intake for today, (and I know there won't be any extra treats, for sure!):
egg (boiled) and bread - 5pt
all-bran bar - 2pt
apple - 1pt
chilli (I'm guessing this one) - 4pt
yogourt - 2pt
________________________ 14pt
(oh man, am I going to be hungry when I get home!)
Thursday, October 5
Hungry
So, I know that I need to eat less. I eat pretty healthy, but the quantity is an issue for sure. Too much of a good thing, is still too much, I guess. But it's so hard! When I make the decision to eat less, that's all I think about. And I think I am truly hungry.
Here's what I ate today so far, and right now it's almost three o'clock, and I'm almost starving!
Egg (boiled) and bread - 3pt
Apple - 1pt
Yogourt - 2pt
All-bran bar - 2pt
Bread & tuna salad - 4pt
Yogourt - 1pt
Cookie - 3pt
----------------------> 16pt
and I still have to eat dinner!
I am planning to go and run on a treadmill as soon as I get home (about 30min - maybe 2-3 pts?).
And I know that it's being at work that kills me - whenever I'm bored or nervous I really want to snack. But when I get home, and eat dinner, I want a treat as well! Good thing is that we don't buy much, it terms of tempting treats, like choc. chip cookies and such. Like yesterday - I was roaming through the kitchen in search of something sweet, and I ended up eating half a nectarine, choc. pudding and some walnuts. So - not so terrible for a binge, really.
I went to the doctor today, to do some tests. The appointement ended up being late half an hour late! And then, when they finally put me in the room, nobody asked me why I was there (which is strange, because they always do, whenever you don't really feel like disclosing your real reason). Anyhow, the doctor came in, and I wasn't even undressed. So then she told me to undress, and she took another patient! So, I ended up being half an hour late for work.... Oh well, no one said anything.
Too bad I don't have anything yummy to eat tonight. Yesterday I went to the store to get some veggies, and ended up buying portabello mushrooms and asparagus. So I did a stir-fry with that, and some chicken breasts, and some ready-made fries, the healthy kind (mostly for DH, but I admit, I had a few too).
Lately, we've been buying a 'treat' dinner (if we don't go out for one, on the weekend). And, I really think, it ends up being even better than going to a restaurant - last week we had crab legs, some grilled (fresh) trout with portabella mushroom stir-fry and rice. It was sooooo yummy! And pretty good for you too.
I'm very lucky that my DH is totally into healthy eating as well. Not like a low-fat, diet kind of eating, but eating foods that are good for you, and avoiding trans-fats. And he never buyes any tempting foods (like cookies or chips). I don't think I could've handled that very well.
So, really I have no excuse to not loose the damn weight. I can excercise every day, and eat healthy. What more can I ask for?
Here's what I ate today so far, and right now it's almost three o'clock, and I'm almost starving!
Egg (boiled) and bread - 3pt
Apple - 1pt
Yogourt - 2pt
All-bran bar - 2pt
Bread & tuna salad - 4pt
Yogourt - 1pt
Cookie - 3pt
----------------------> 16pt
and I still have to eat dinner!
I am planning to go and run on a treadmill as soon as I get home (about 30min - maybe 2-3 pts?).
And I know that it's being at work that kills me - whenever I'm bored or nervous I really want to snack. But when I get home, and eat dinner, I want a treat as well! Good thing is that we don't buy much, it terms of tempting treats, like choc. chip cookies and such. Like yesterday - I was roaming through the kitchen in search of something sweet, and I ended up eating half a nectarine, choc. pudding and some walnuts. So - not so terrible for a binge, really.
I went to the doctor today, to do some tests. The appointement ended up being late half an hour late! And then, when they finally put me in the room, nobody asked me why I was there (which is strange, because they always do, whenever you don't really feel like disclosing your real reason). Anyhow, the doctor came in, and I wasn't even undressed. So then she told me to undress, and she took another patient! So, I ended up being half an hour late for work.... Oh well, no one said anything.
Too bad I don't have anything yummy to eat tonight. Yesterday I went to the store to get some veggies, and ended up buying portabello mushrooms and asparagus. So I did a stir-fry with that, and some chicken breasts, and some ready-made fries, the healthy kind (mostly for DH, but I admit, I had a few too).
Lately, we've been buying a 'treat' dinner (if we don't go out for one, on the weekend). And, I really think, it ends up being even better than going to a restaurant - last week we had crab legs, some grilled (fresh) trout with portabella mushroom stir-fry and rice. It was sooooo yummy! And pretty good for you too.
I'm very lucky that my DH is totally into healthy eating as well. Not like a low-fat, diet kind of eating, but eating foods that are good for you, and avoiding trans-fats. And he never buyes any tempting foods (like cookies or chips). I don't think I could've handled that very well.
So, really I have no excuse to not loose the damn weight. I can excercise every day, and eat healthy. What more can I ask for?
Wednesday, October 4
Some thoughts on life...
What do you need to be happy?
Money? Love? Children? I don't know. I think it varies day by day. Sometimes, I think, you don't realize that you are happy, but you are.
I think I should learn to be content with what I have. Sometimes I think life couldn't get any better, and I'm afraid that something is going to happen, and upsets this balance. On other days I think I need so much more - more money, more time, kids.
I think that I should finally print out my wedding pictures, and make that scrapbook that I wanted. Problem is - I'm such a perfectionist (in some things). And the job is so overwelmingly big, I don't know where to start... so I don't. I should go home today, and pick up that CD, and make a goal of editing 20 pictures, printing them out, and start the scrapbook this weekend!
Monday, October 2
And so I begin
I've made some postive steps towards my weight-loss goal. I've joined a gym!!!!
It was a tough decision, since it's a considerable amount of money, plus, we have an 'exercise room' in our building (which I will use as a supplement). But, since I joined (wednesday), I felt really good. I went every weekday morning so far, and on the weekend I did the 5k 'run for the cure'. I feel in control now, more confident. As long as I have an establised routine, I can stay focused.
I haven't steped on the scale yet. I don't want to get discouraged. And I've decided that I will go to WI this Wednesday, no matter what. If I'm over my goal, I will pay, and will weigh-in next month. This way I'm still accountable, and it's not costing me a ton of money.
Ooh, oooh, and I bought six sessions with a personal trainer! Hopefully I'll get someone good, that can motivate me, and show me what to do. And I kind of look forward to the 'orientation', where they'll measure and weigh... but then, when I reach my goal, it'll be satisfying to look back...
Other than that, I'm kind of looking forward to going to Toronto next week. It will be nice to visit my family and my parents-in-law. It will be a challenge to control my food intake, for sure. I guess I have to start saying 'no' to my Dad, who loves to cook, and treat me and my mom and my sister. And I have to say 'no' to my MIL, who loves to treat me and my DH as well (with food, of course).
All in all, so far so good!
It was a tough decision, since it's a considerable amount of money, plus, we have an 'exercise room' in our building (which I will use as a supplement). But, since I joined (wednesday), I felt really good. I went every weekday morning so far, and on the weekend I did the 5k 'run for the cure'. I feel in control now, more confident. As long as I have an establised routine, I can stay focused.
I haven't steped on the scale yet. I don't want to get discouraged. And I've decided that I will go to WI this Wednesday, no matter what. If I'm over my goal, I will pay, and will weigh-in next month. This way I'm still accountable, and it's not costing me a ton of money.
Ooh, oooh, and I bought six sessions with a personal trainer! Hopefully I'll get someone good, that can motivate me, and show me what to do. And I kind of look forward to the 'orientation', where they'll measure and weigh... but then, when I reach my goal, it'll be satisfying to look back...
Other than that, I'm kind of looking forward to going to Toronto next week. It will be nice to visit my family and my parents-in-law. It will be a challenge to control my food intake, for sure. I guess I have to start saying 'no' to my Dad, who loves to cook, and treat me and my mom and my sister. And I have to say 'no' to my MIL, who loves to treat me and my DH as well (with food, of course).
All in all, so far so good!
Friday, September 22
Sometimes you just don't care...
Well, I didn't go to weigh in on Wednesday. What was my reasoning?
1. I knew I didn't loose the damn five pounds that will get me to my goal weight, and therefore I would've paid.
2. I think the $14.60 (or so) is better spent on a yoga class, rather than a guilt trip at WI. (I did go to hot yoga on Tuesday, and it was awsome! I decided to get a package).
3. I thought that maybe if I didn't weigh in, I would stop my emotional eating associated with it (I don't know why, but the night before WI I always stuff my face! aghhh.... so annoying).
4. I only really have to weigh in once a moth, so it's not like I'm quitting. (Right... That's the best excuse! Even though I promised myself that I would weigh in every week. Why do I always talk myself into this one?!!! I should know by now to what this leads to...).
So, there you go. The above has resulted in me not even going to the gym on Thursday (I did go for a 30min run on Wed. though!), and at night I ate: 2pc of toast with salmon cream cheese, one peach, then the dinner (3 drumsticks, 1/2 cup of pasta and spaghetti squash), which wouldn't have been all that bad, but then I decided to have some Amaretto (just 'cause I have it!) and, I think, three chocolates. What is wrong with me? Why do I always always have to eat?
I eat at work 'cause sometimes I'm nervous, sometimes bored, then I get home, and I eat because I'm trying to delay going to the gym (and I'm starving). After I eat dinner, I eat because I want a treat... (that's what I'm guessing, but I really don't know).
Food has to stop being the centre of my attention at all times! But I can't help it, especially when I'm on ww! That's all I do - I eat, and then I think of how I can work it off!
I have no self-control when it comes to food!
okay... breath... *****aghhhh****
I know, blaming myself won't help, that just leads to just letting everything go.
I still have half of today left to make wise choices, and the weekend to be really really good. That's four days and a half until Wed.. I have to focus on one day at a time.
Here's my new plan, that I'm going to try in order to curb my sugar cravings. No sugar until Wednesday! After the three day hump apperantely it will get easier. I obviously can't treat myself in moderation, so I'll try and 'clean' my body off of sugar.
Starting.... NOW!!!!
1. I knew I didn't loose the damn five pounds that will get me to my goal weight, and therefore I would've paid.
2. I think the $14.60 (or so) is better spent on a yoga class, rather than a guilt trip at WI. (I did go to hot yoga on Tuesday, and it was awsome! I decided to get a package).
3. I thought that maybe if I didn't weigh in, I would stop my emotional eating associated with it (I don't know why, but the night before WI I always stuff my face! aghhh.... so annoying).
4. I only really have to weigh in once a moth, so it's not like I'm quitting. (Right... That's the best excuse! Even though I promised myself that I would weigh in every week. Why do I always talk myself into this one?!!! I should know by now to what this leads to...).
So, there you go. The above has resulted in me not even going to the gym on Thursday (I did go for a 30min run on Wed. though!), and at night I ate: 2pc of toast with salmon cream cheese, one peach, then the dinner (3 drumsticks, 1/2 cup of pasta and spaghetti squash), which wouldn't have been all that bad, but then I decided to have some Amaretto (just 'cause I have it!) and, I think, three chocolates. What is wrong with me? Why do I always always have to eat?
I eat at work 'cause sometimes I'm nervous, sometimes bored, then I get home, and I eat because I'm trying to delay going to the gym (and I'm starving). After I eat dinner, I eat because I want a treat... (that's what I'm guessing, but I really don't know).
Food has to stop being the centre of my attention at all times! But I can't help it, especially when I'm on ww! That's all I do - I eat, and then I think of how I can work it off!
I have no self-control when it comes to food!
okay... breath... *****aghhhh****
I know, blaming myself won't help, that just leads to just letting everything go.
I still have half of today left to make wise choices, and the weekend to be really really good. That's four days and a half until Wed.. I have to focus on one day at a time.
Here's my new plan, that I'm going to try in order to curb my sugar cravings. No sugar until Wednesday! After the three day hump apperantely it will get easier. I obviously can't treat myself in moderation, so I'll try and 'clean' my body off of sugar.
Starting.... NOW!!!!
Wednesday, September 20
Committing to lose... again??!!?
Alright, I have to take responsibility for my own weight loss. I know the rules, I have the means - I just have to do it, damn it!!! I will blog my progress and will be accountable here. Starting now.
Although I know better, it seems that a little treat here and there is okay, but it all adds up in the end. And this is the end.... result! I've been trying to loose the five pounds that I need to loose to get back to my official ww goal for a month now. But instead of loosing - I'm steadily gaining! WTF??!!!
I've committed to excercising every day (and I have been, for the most part), and I'm gaining! I do have to admit, though, to a couple of chocolate binges (including my B-day cake weekend...), but I didn't think it would influence me this much!
What's done is done, moving on. Here's the action plan - I'm re-joining the running room (10k clinic again, starting second week of October), and I'll be going to a yoga class once a week, and will do at least a couple of days a week of weight training.
I know the hard part - journaling. I do so well during the day, but as soon as I get home - I just eat whatever I want! Now, is that how it supposed to be done? No! But do I ever listen to myself? NO.
So, I will try really hard to work on that. I will post my journal here, and we'll see how far I'll get.
Oh, well, it doesn't help that I'm sick these days either. I got this cold, and I'm trying really hard not to get worse. And with a headache and a runny nose, I really don't feel like doing much or thinking much. Bleh.. I do feel good, however, about going to yoga yesterday (if only I didn't stop by for a vietnamese noodle soup beforehand! ... and there was a choc. bar too... thinsations, though!).
I thought I would feel better after all that sweating! And I secretly hoped to loose at least a pound! Nope. 146.
Anyhow, here's my food intake for the day, so far:
2p - 1% milk
3p - Kashi cereal
2p - graham cookies
1p - source yogourt
1p - sm. plum & sm. peach (they are really tiny!)
2p - thinsation choc. bar *sigh*
1p - one slice bread
1p - salad
3p - rice and lentils
------------> 16p
Although I know better, it seems that a little treat here and there is okay, but it all adds up in the end. And this is the end.... result! I've been trying to loose the five pounds that I need to loose to get back to my official ww goal for a month now. But instead of loosing - I'm steadily gaining! WTF??!!!
I've committed to excercising every day (and I have been, for the most part), and I'm gaining! I do have to admit, though, to a couple of chocolate binges (including my B-day cake weekend...), but I didn't think it would influence me this much!
What's done is done, moving on. Here's the action plan - I'm re-joining the running room (10k clinic again, starting second week of October), and I'll be going to a yoga class once a week, and will do at least a couple of days a week of weight training.
I know the hard part - journaling. I do so well during the day, but as soon as I get home - I just eat whatever I want! Now, is that how it supposed to be done? No! But do I ever listen to myself? NO.
So, I will try really hard to work on that. I will post my journal here, and we'll see how far I'll get.
Oh, well, it doesn't help that I'm sick these days either. I got this cold, and I'm trying really hard not to get worse. And with a headache and a runny nose, I really don't feel like doing much or thinking much. Bleh.. I do feel good, however, about going to yoga yesterday (if only I didn't stop by for a vietnamese noodle soup beforehand! ... and there was a choc. bar too... thinsations, though!).
I thought I would feel better after all that sweating! And I secretly hoped to loose at least a pound! Nope. 146.
Anyhow, here's my food intake for the day, so far:
2p - 1% milk
3p - Kashi cereal
2p - graham cookies
1p - source yogourt
1p - sm. plum & sm. peach (they are really tiny!)
2p - thinsation choc. bar *sigh*
1p - one slice bread
1p - salad
3p - rice and lentils
------------> 16p
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