Motivation - lacking!

I don't know what's wrong with me. Honestly. I just can't get out of bed in the morning - and this is the girl that went to the gym at six in the morning five days a week a month ago!

I just can't pin point what it is. I wake up, I know I should go, I get stuff ready, like my lunch and my gym bag, I sometimes even get up, but then decide that I'm too sleepy, and just go back to bed!

I tried going to sleep earlier - nine thirty is the usual time now, but I just can't get enough sleep! I know that in the winter I have less energy (especially when it's dark and cold), but what I don't understand is how I did this before! I really want to go, but when the alarm goes off - I just can't!

Here's what I'm trying to do while I'm having this "off" streak: I'm not buying a bus pass for March. I'm going to walk to and from work (that's 6.6k altogether). I will do weights four times a week (at night, if I have to). And hope that this works. Am I tired of my routine? Maybe. So, maybe this variation will help me a bit.

Previously, I worked out 5-6 times a week, for an hour and a half. Then I went to Toronto for the weekend, and woke up sick on Monday. Was really sick for a week, and kind of sick the next week. And here I am, all better, but can't get up in the morning! I know I have to get back into the routine, and I'm trying really really hard...

This is funny - at lunch today, I went out and bought some "winnie-the-pooh" stickers. So, for the days that I'm "good" (that is, I had worked out, and was good with my eating) I get a sticker on my calendar that's on my desk. LOL oh the tactics I have to resort to... :)

"eating concerns"

Last night I've attended a meeting (support group) for people with "eating concerns". I think they use that term so that people with all kinds of eating disorders can be included, not necessarily bulimia/anorexia. Maybe that played a role in my desicion to go...

I haven't been diagnosed with an eating disorder (ED) per se, but I feel that my relationship with food is not a healthy one, and I would like to fix that, if at all possible. This is my first attempt to do something about it.

I realized that I'm running in circles - I eat/binge sometimes, than go on a strict and intense exercise regime, than get tired of it, don't do anything, feel guilty, and start over.

My DH is concerned with me going to the group, because I think he thinks I'll "get ideas". LOL
He doesn't think that I need "help", but for his sake as well as mine, I think I should try and sort this out.

I recognize that there are people that are "sicker" than me. And maybe I don't have a full-blown ED, but that doesn't mean that I should sit and wait until it "gets somewhere". (he never said that, that's just my reasoning).

So I'm looking for a therapist right now. My insurance covers up to $1000 per year, so that should get me some sessions. I'm looking forward to it. Yesterday I felt like I could share my feelings about food, and the people in the group really understood what I was talking about, and I know what they meant as well. Like one girl said that she used to obsess about getting her breakfast "right", and having anxiety about eating something different for breakfast.

I really think that I might fix this obsession of mine... I don't think there's any harm in trying.

It's 'heart' day!

To be quite honest, I actually forgot! I was so preoccupied with my hurting throat in the morning, that I forgot to sign and give my card to DH. Although, I think he didn't remember either :). Oh well, it's okay, since we are 'officially' celebrating this weekend - we are going to Montreal for a romantic two-day getaway.

As for working out and food, I'm not doing so great... I hadn't worked out for a third day in a row. Today is not looking great either. Hopefully this is just a temporary laps in motivation. I know that being sick is not an excuse (well, I'm not terribly sick, really), but the yucky weather, and my lack of energy really add up. I'll be good next week, I promise!

Monday.

And that means only four more days until Friday! And then I go to Toronto! I will see my parents, my sister and my friends! yay! (can you tell that I'm excited?).

It's a very cold day today, here in Ottawa. The weekend wasn't too bad, we even went to see the ice sculptures and the canal. We didn't skate - it was way too crowded, and the ice was rough, and I was so cold after an hour of walking around that I was really glad that we didn't even try to skate! (oh, and you should know that I'm not a great skater, so I see people and bumps in the ice as great obsticles... LOL).

In terms of eating... it was reasonable. That's all I have to say. I did go to the gym on Saturday, while DH was sleeping, and then I had my "newspaper reading" time. So that was nice. Sunday I was busy cooking and cleaning, so somehow the exercise just didn't happen (so much for my laudry/exercise theory).

I'm trying take it easy, meaning, not being too hard on myself when I eat something I shouldn't/don't need to eat. I exercise at least five days a week, seven on a good week. Drink tons of water. I don't want to get into the mind-set of "I have to loose weight by this or that time". As my DH says, as much as those couple of pounds lsot mean to me, people can't see that much difference in me (now that I think of it, that could be a bad thing, no?). For examle, when I went back to Toronto at Christmas, I had lost five pounds since last time everyone had seen me (my body fat % went down too), and no one even said anything! Now, I know I shouldn't be doing this for anyone else, and I'm not, but maybe he is right, maybe a lot of it is in my head... hm.. I have to think about that...

oh how I hate winter...

I'm in a such "mopey" (is that a word?) mood lately! And all these depressing posts... *sigh* I'm not doing much better today - I feel a headache coming on and I'm mad, because it always happens when I have lots of things to do at work, and I'm stressed, even slightly. (Can you tell I'm a procrastinator also? I'd doing this instead of work!).

I did go to the gym this morning - did half-hour of weights, and an hour of low-intensity cardio. At least it's Friday (part of the reason I don't feel like working).

I'm still trying to work out a routine that works for me (so it's not mentally and phisically hard to keep up with the exercise). So far I came to a conclusion that if I go in the mornings (the optimal time, hands down), then I need a break on Thursday. Then I can go Friday morning again. I'm still struggling with the weekend though. On Saturday I like to put on my comfy robe, make breakfast and read the paper for a looong while... but then I feel guilty about not going to the gym. If I go to the gym first, the whole "lounging" experience is just not the same! Sundays are easier, they are my laundry/long workout days. I do put the task off sometimes to the evening, but I always have to do laundry, so I end up going to the exercise room. Anyways, we'll see how it goes this weekend, I might HAVE to make a deal with myself that if I do the whole breakfast routine, then I go for a half-hour on the treadmill in the evening. (It's just mentally easier to take than an hour). We'll see... so, here's to a great weekend with no guilt!

Crrrap!

I can't stop eating! For two f**g weeks already! Last week was TOM so I could justify it, but this week... well, there's no excuse! Although it happens to me all the time when I go off schedule, so I shouldn't be that surprized... *sigh*

I'm going to weigh myself on Monday, but I don't want to give up on the rest of this week! I haven't been eating too much of "bad" food, just a lot of food! I had been working out, so it might not show on the scale (I hope!).

And I'm just in such a crappy state overall, I don't know how to shake it off. I have this cold that's lingering over me for weeks now - I'm not "officially" sick, though, just can't breath and my throat starting to hurt a little yesterday, and my lower back also hurt today (WTF?). Yuck! Don't I sound like an eighty-year-old lady? LOL

Next weekend I'm going to Toronto to celebrate my mom's and sister's b-day, so that should be fun (I love going back there!), and then me and my hubby are going to Montreal the next weekend for a romantic getaway! so I really really don't want to be sick! Ginger tea - hear I come!