Q&A

Here are my answers to Anne's Q&A:

1. Why are you trying to lose weight?

I want to feel good about my body and like what I see when I look in the mirror (which I currently don't).


2. Do you have a reward for yourself once you reach goal?

My reward at the end of my 'six week committment' will be how I look in the pictures (I hate people taking pictures of me for the reasons stated above). Other than that, I will be shopping for new clothes (I really don't have that much to wear, since I'm always hoping to go shopping for a smaller size, and I end up never buying any clothes at all!).


3. What food do you wish had zero calories and zero fat?

Chocolate, of course!


4. As you lose weight, what do you find yourself enjoying more?

I like feeling less self conscious about how I look. (I realize that part of it is all in my head, and no amount of exercise will fix that...). :(


5. What's your new favorite low fat food/treat?

100 cal. popcorn! I love it. Also, yesterday I tried a sugar-free hazelnut flavour shot in my latte, and - OMG - was it ever good!

Week 2- still doing it!

I know I haven't posted in a while... so here's an update - week one went okay (a few slip-ups, but the scale showed a 2lb loss!). Saturday was the beginning of week two, and I kind of went off plan for the duration of the weekend... :) I did all of my workouts though!!! so it wasn't a complete failure. And since I need to blame this on something - I blame it on TOM, and I'm standing my ground! I was pretty rediculous (and kind of funny), I could think of nothing but sweets and eating in general (mind you, I didn't have any kind of chocolate or sugar in eight days, and for me, that's huge!).

But on Sunday I had an NSV of sorts - I went into the grocery store determined to get chocolate, and I even held it in my hands for a while... and then I put it back and got coffee flavoured mousse (yogourt), which is half the fat of that choco bar. So yes, I went off plan, but it could've been MUCH worse.

I don't know why (well, I do), but the weekends are always so hard, and imposible to plan! *sigh* All you can do is try your best, right?

Now, for my challenge this week (btw, it seems I picked THE worse time for my six week committment, or, maybe the best, depends on how you look at it) - I'm having three of my wisdom teeth pulled on Thursday. Seems actually not so bad, right? Teeth are hurting, you can't eat, you'll loose weight... - wrong! Let me tell you, I amaze myself sometimes, but I can eat anytime, anywhere, in any situation. It is especially bad if I'm alone at home. If I'm in one of those "I-want-to-eat-and-I-don't-care" moods, I can eat non-stop. People tell me that they can't eat when they are sick (like a cold, or something), not me!

Anyhow, here's my game plan (see, I'm learning - I have to be prepared): I will make lots of nutritious soup (lots of veggies, and chicken, and mabe some beans - so I'll have my fibre, protein and carbs), and maybe a chilli (mainly for my DH). This way I don't have to worry about finding something to eat, or cooking! I'll let you know how it went next Moday...

After I ace this challenge, the next one is super-duper hard!!! Christmas with my family and parents-in-law! That will be the ultimate test of my will power.

Day 3 - you want me to workout how much?

Well, I was pretty proud of myself yesterday. After lunch I went out in a search of some kind of a treat (I usually have crazy cravings for sweets after lunch), but I didn't take my wallet and limited myself to $3.75. I walked by Star.bucks (mocha latte?), I walked by the convenience store and Sugar.Mountain (Thinsations?), and decided to get a new pack of a wonderful peppermint green tea for only $2.99! I came back to work, and had my tea, and was happy.

The after-dinner time snaking challenge went over just as well - I had my low-cal dinner (I cooked the potatoes for my DH, and didn't even have a half!), and I shared a mango. And that was it!

So today I'm officially starting the "6 week fat loss" program. My PT weighed me - I went up 3lb since a month ago! *eeeeek* But my body fat% went down and I've gained more muscle, and lost some inches (not a lot). So right now I'm officially 148lb. I'm not freaking out too much, because I know I lost fat.

What I'm nervous about is that they gave me an eating plan, where you have to follow it to a 't'. I'm going to really try, that's all I have to say.

Oh, and I have to do cardio for an hour five to six times a week, plus weights four times a week. Obviously I'll loose weight if I workout that much! The question is, after I loose some weight, will I be able to maintain that kind of routine??? hmm....

Day 2 - whooo-hoooo!

I told you I was serious!!! I stayed totally OP yesterday (including no snacks after dinner, and no chocolate), and I even did my weight routine and 20min of cardio!

Do you need more proof?? I took a picture! Here it is (an edited version, of course, but not enhanced in any way! LOL).

In six weeks I'm hoping to see a difference.

Today's plan is to stay OP, resist temptation at all cost!

Day 1 - take two!!!

Okay, I know this is kind of pathetic, but I'm really feeling up to the challenge now. I decided to go with the rediculously expensive "6 week fat-loss program" (which I'm officially starting on Friday). I'm going to be on my best behaviour untill Friday, since I know my trainer will weigh me... and I haven't looked at the scale for maybe, oh I don't know, a month?

These six weeks are going to take me to Christmas (aka four-day-parents-and-in-laws-trying-to-feed-me-to-show-their-love weekend). This is going to be the biggest challenge of them all. I'm going to workout everyday, and say "No, thank you" A LOT.

I think that this will be especially good for me, because I will be constantly accountable to my trainer (we'll workout together three days a week!), and hopefully it'll become a habit.

Don't get me wrong, I know all about "quick fixes" and I'm not really looking for one. I need to do something very different from what I've been doing (in eating and exercise) to see results, and I can't get very motivated if I don't see any.

So, this is officially day one of my committment!

Day 1

I know, it's a bit sad that I have trouble keeping my commitments... but, it's like I don't take myself seriously when I say that I will stay OP, will exercise every day, etc. I mean it at the time, but life gets in the way, I guess. I can't promise that this time it will be different, but here it goes:

There are six weeks left until Christmas. I want to loose one pound a week ( I don't mind that if the loss shows up in inches rather than pounds too). I'm challenging myself to write down everything I eat, workout five days a week and cut down on sugar/chocolate. If loosing weight is my priority, than what I put in my body should be my priority as well. I will finally bring myself to weigh in on Wednesday.

I know that people (aka my family) say that I obsess over food, but that is the only way I know how to control my eating. And any negative comment can set me off into a binge. If I'm bored, I eat, if I'm nervous, I eat, if I'm celebrating, I eat. I know, I know, I should really seek some professional help, because I don't think I'll get better on my own. But I'm sure there are other people that had the same relationship with food, and got it under control, right???

I'm very proud of myself today for going to the gym in the morning. I don't know why it has been so hard lately. I don't remember ever having so much trouble getting up early...

Oh, and hired my personal trainer for ten more sessions. Insanely expensive, I don't even want to say how much, and really stupid of me of just agreeing, without looking at other options, but... I'm starting to like her, and maybe she can make a difference?? I hope. I told her I'll give her my journal every week, that way I'll feel more accountable. I got that freelance job (that I didn't want), and that's the money that I'm using for the personal trainer. I figure, it's like 'free money', well, not exactly free, I still have to work for it, but it's extra that I can use whichever way I like - so this is a present to myself. I just have to remember to work extra hard now, and not to rely on that one workout a week to do anything for me.

So I decided that today will be DAY 1. Fourty one days to go.

Good things

I'm doing good overall. I really like my job, the pace is slow (which is nice), I get to do creative things, which I like.

I'm a little apprehensive about the meeting that I have after work, though, with this client that I found through the internet. I've met him two weeks ago to talk to him about the project, but I'm kind of doing everything for him to not want work with me! Isn't it funny? The reasons - I don't want to get into something that I might not be able to do completely (i.e. programming part, which I can't really do), and also I'm not looking forward to spending my free time working... :)

But he seems eager to start, has been okay with me so far explaining the many things that I won't do. I guess if all goes well, and he won't want to make a million changes to the design that I'm going to come up with... I'll be happy with the extra money... Christmas will be here soon, and, most importantly, I want to continue my sessions with my personal trainer. I've sent him an invoice for a 50% deposit upfront (see, I'm still trying to get rid of him!), and haven't heard back...

Apart from that, I'm pretty content.

I've been reading these blogs, though, lately, about women that lost their babies (either through misscarriage, or still birth), and it's so devestating! I know I shouldn't probably be reading so much about that, it'll make me so paranoid when/if I actually do get pregnant... but still. My heart goes out to them.

Sleepy head!

The morning I had today! I was pretty funny - the alarm went of at 5:45, I wasn't really asleep by then, but decide to stay in bed a couple of minutes longer.... then I thought, 'I'm really sleepy, I can't go to the gym today!' I did have my meeting with my personal trainer today, and I was thinking how I was going to call the gym at seven, and tell her that I slept in...

Then I decided to get up at about six. I brushed my teeth, and then I really really wanted to go back to bed. I tried to lure myself away from the bed by food - so I went into the kitchen and ate my serial, and it was twenty past six at that point. And it was dark and raining outside. So, all of a sudden I decide to just go into the bedroom and snuggle in to the warm blankets with my sleeping hubby... and so I did. I stayed five minutes, and thought "I'm not going to fall asleep, I'm just going to drive myself crazy thinking how my trainer came so early just for me, and I didn't show up!".

So, I got up. By that time the 6:30 alarm went of for DH. He says 'Aren't you going to the gym?'. 'I am' I said, and I knew there was no going back...

So I went to the gym. Got there five minutes to seven. Had my workout. Everything is good.

But isn't this pathetic? (and pretty funny, I think).

I hope I don't repeat the same thing tomorow! It's so time consuming! :)

100 things about me

I don't know if I can come up with 100, but here it goes....

1. Favourite colour: green. :)
2. I have one younger sister.
3. I'm married.
4. I like to think that I'm funny.
5. I can be very stubborn.
6. I like to draw.
7. I want to have a baby more than anything in this world.
8. I can't stand being cold.
9. I'm cold all the time.
10. I love italian (the language), and can understand a little bit.
11. I love Italy.
12. I went to Rome two years ago.
13. I love my husband.
14. I married my first boyfriend.
15. I hope that marriage is forever.
16. I wish I could win the lottery.
17. This year my last childhood dog died.
18. This year my grandmother died.
19. I have a career, and yet I don't know what I want to be.
20. I am bilingual.
21. I love chocolate.
22. I am independant.
23. I'm a bit of a feminist.
24. I procrastinate.
25. I love dance music.
26. I've been to Cuba, and loved it.
27. My cat's name is Lucy.
28. We left our cat with my parents in Toronto.
29. Our wedding was in May.
30. My other dog died last year, May 14.
31. I wish I could be an artist full-time, and make enough money.
32. I wish I had known my other grandfather, he died when I was five.
33. I want to have a baby girl.
34. I want to be a good mother.
35. I want to be a good wife.
36. I don't feel like I am an adult, yet.
37. I want to learn to live in the present.
38. I like to cook.
39. I don't like to repeat what I said.
40. I don't like when people don't understand what I'm saying.
41. I think I'm a good person.
42. But, I'm not always kind.
43. I want to have a better relationship with my mother.
44. I moved to Ottawa for my husband.
45. I'm shy when I meet new people.
46. Sometimes I say things without thinking first.
47. I lack self-discipline.
48. I want to love my body.
49. I love Chirstamas.
50. I started hating people when I worked in retail.
51. I started loving ice-cream when I worked in Laura Secord.
52. Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm not creative enough.
53. I don't like to be alone.
54. I like to run.
55. I ran 10k race in April.
56. I would like to run a marathon, someday.
57. I don't cry easily.
58. I cried (a bit) when I was saying my vows.
59. I was afraid I wouldn't.
60. I love photography.
61. I want to buy a new camera.
62. I'm afraid of death.
63. I'm kind of glad I wasn't there when my grandmother died.
64. I feel guilty about that.
65. I laugh a lot.
66. I like to be silly.
67. I can be possessive sometimes.
68. I don't remember the names of movies, or the names of actors.
69. I don't like it when people talk about movies or actors.
70. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong.
71. I feel like I missed out on 'college life' when I was in university.
72. I wish I didn't have to work while I was studying.
73. I wish I could help my parents, financially.
74. I don't know if I have real friends.
75. I wish I had kept in contact with the people I went to high school with.
76. I hate winter.
77. I would love to have a little house beside some kind of water, with lots of land to plant things.
78. I wish my mom cooked, so that she could pass on some 'family recepies' to me.
79. Sometimes I wish I was more 'girly'.
80. Sometimes I don't care how I look.
81. I know that I would never cheat.
82. Sometimes I'm fascinated by people.
83. It passes.
84. Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm wasting my life.
85. I'm guilty of wanting to know what's going to happen next in my life.
86. I wish my hair was naturally blond.
87. I wish I had blue eyes.
88. I love sunny days.
89. I love to walk by water (river, lake, etc.).
90. I enjoy to eat things that I know are good for me.
91. I love eating things that are not-so-good for me.
92. I drink a lot of water.
93. I wish that I wasn't obsessed about food, and loosing weight.
94. I want to visit the city where I was born.
95. I want to go back to the city where I grew up.
96. Sometimes I wish we hadn't come to Canada.
97. I want to learn how to play piano.
98. Sometimes I wish I was doing something meaningful.
99. I want to feel motivated enough to strive to do something meaningful in my life.
100. I don't think a lot of people really know me.

Boo! Halloween Blues.

Sometimes I don't think. It's a fact.

There was no reason for me to have any contact whatsoever with the stupid Halloween candy, and yet I ate close to two bags of it in the past 24hr.

How did I manage to do that when we don't even have a reason to buy the candy, since we don't have kids in our building? Well, after my workout (!) in the morning I passed by Shoppers, and decided to go in to get some things. And it was on sale. I bought two bags - swedish berries and the caramel ones. I justified it to myself by saying that I will put it out for my co-workers to bring the Halloween 'spirit' in the office.

Oh, the things I tell myself... Of course, the four people that work with me had a total of five candies, and I was stuck with the rest. And I took it home. And had some more.

I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, but how can I be so stupid? I eat right most of the time, have my treat at the end of the night, just got on track with working out (somewhat). And then I go and do this! And don't even care while I'm doing it! And I'm going out with my friends on Saturday and we'll have chinese food and a major drinking feast (I'm going to Toronto again, and I haven't seen them in a long time).

*sigh*

And I have a major migrane to add to all of this. Lovely.