Day 1

I know, it's a bit sad that I have trouble keeping my commitments... but, it's like I don't take myself seriously when I say that I will stay OP, will exercise every day, etc. I mean it at the time, but life gets in the way, I guess. I can't promise that this time it will be different, but here it goes:

There are six weeks left until Christmas. I want to loose one pound a week ( I don't mind that if the loss shows up in inches rather than pounds too). I'm challenging myself to write down everything I eat, workout five days a week and cut down on sugar/chocolate. If loosing weight is my priority, than what I put in my body should be my priority as well. I will finally bring myself to weigh in on Wednesday.

I know that people (aka my family) say that I obsess over food, but that is the only way I know how to control my eating. And any negative comment can set me off into a binge. If I'm bored, I eat, if I'm nervous, I eat, if I'm celebrating, I eat. I know, I know, I should really seek some professional help, because I don't think I'll get better on my own. But I'm sure there are other people that had the same relationship with food, and got it under control, right???

I'm very proud of myself today for going to the gym in the morning. I don't know why it has been so hard lately. I don't remember ever having so much trouble getting up early...

Oh, and hired my personal trainer for ten more sessions. Insanely expensive, I don't even want to say how much, and really stupid of me of just agreeing, without looking at other options, but... I'm starting to like her, and maybe she can make a difference?? I hope. I told her I'll give her my journal every week, that way I'll feel more accountable. I got that freelance job (that I didn't want), and that's the money that I'm using for the personal trainer. I figure, it's like 'free money', well, not exactly free, I still have to work for it, but it's extra that I can use whichever way I like - so this is a present to myself. I just have to remember to work extra hard now, and not to rely on that one workout a week to do anything for me.

So I decided that today will be DAY 1. Fourty one days to go.